The Tea Party’s Republican Bill of Rights

One must wonder where the Republicans and their Tea Party influence get their morals. In congress today, what you hear about the most from the radical right-wing is how much they love the Constitution. The conservatives are always quick to grab hold of the constitution when it works in their best interest and toss it aside when it could damage their profit margin or give a fair shake to someone of a different belief system. Here’s a quick summary of what the Bill of Rights might look like to Republicans and their Tea Party friends.

The Tea Party’s Republican Bill of Rights -

1. Congress can’t make any law about your religion, unless you don’t love Jesus, than your going to burn in hell for all eternity.

2. Congress says that everyone should have a gun and we should listen because the evil liberals will one day want to take them away and we can’t let them.

3. You don’t have to let a solider live in your house unless there’s a war, and of course it’s safe because you will have a lot of guns to use on them if they get out of line.

4. Nobody can search your body, house, or your belongings unless they can prove to a judge that they have a good reason to think you have committed a crime or if you are a Jew, Muslim or liberal.

5. You can’t be tried for any serious crime without a Grand Jury meeting first to decide whether there’s enough evidence for a trial. All of this could be avoided however if you have enough money to buy off the judge or help him lobby in Washington.



6. If you’re arrested, you have a right to have your trial as soon as possible and if you have enough money to buy off a good lawyer you shouldn’t have much to worry about.

7. You also have the right to a jury when you have a case between two people instead of the government. Just like amendments 5 & 6, if you have enough money and are one of the few who benefit from our capitalist society, you can get out of it.

8. The government can’t make you pay more than what is reasonable in bail or in fines and can’t order you to have cruel or unusual punishments unless a Republican is in office. In that case tourture will than be allowed and they will likely be re-elected.

9. Just because these rights are listed in the Constitution doesn’t mean that you don’t have other rights too. When Republicans get in office they will often pretend to love the constitution but then make up their own laws. If Democrats get in office we will promise to over turn and demonize anything they do even when it’s in the best interests of the people.

10. Anything that the Constitution doesn’t say that Congress can do should be left up to the states or the people, unless the majority votes for Democrats or the state is made up of Democratic congress man and woman. If they are we will mark cross hairs over their face and have conservative news networks demonize them at every end.