People Aren’t Drinking Tea As Much – Power Of Tea Party On The Wane April 22, 2012 By Michael Hayne In 2009, one couldn’t turn on the talking picture box or surf the interwebs without being inundated with news of white angry mobs holding up hilariously misspelled signs and screaming at Democratic Congresspeople at town halls. The failure of John McCain to beat Barack Obama in 2008 and, even more frighteningly, the creation of Sarah Palin, created a whole new wave of racism and far-right economic anarchism operating under the guise of “fiscal responsibility.” After all, fiscal responsiblity means very little when a sociopathic, paste-eating cowboy from Texas is running (or is it ruining?) the show. No moderate republican was safe, and certainly no progressive Democrats could possibly navigate through the turpentine-laced waters. Calling itself the Tea Party, this sweeping new movement claimed to be carrying in the revolutionary footsteps of the founding fathers, with its emphasis on combating tyranny in the form of excessive taxation. However, the Tea Party and its adherents overlooked one all-important caveat with regards to cause of the Boston Tea Party: the British subjects were lamenting taxation WITHOUT representation, not taxation on ridiculously-wealthy-people -during-an-economic-depression WITH representation. The tea party saw its power reach unprecedented levels during the 2010 midterm elections, when unsuspecting voters bought the big fat zirconias being sold them by an army of rabid, uncompromising, unreasonable economic terrorists. In brief, the crazies took over the asylum and most Americans had to watch in horror as these newly empowered nut jobs blindly (and often hypocritically) took a machete to the entire edifice of FDR’s New deal programs to score political points and make the president look bad. But this flagrant astroturf group, funded by the billionaire Guilded Era-like Koch Brothers, operating under the guise of a “populist movement” by the right-wing noise machine may have to cling to classic social wedge issues (Gays, Mexicans, gay mexicans, birth control, abortion, same-sex marriage, gay mexicans using birth control, etc.) that imbibe today’s Republican party, as it appears as though the faux and sanctimonious economic liberty it once thrusted onto the fractious, unwashed masses like an economic Ludovico technique is starting to ebb. This past week was Tax Day and thus the Superbowl of the Tea Party, so one would think the nation would be deluged by crowds of obese patriots on Hoverounds and hilariously misspelled signs either equating Obama to a “half-breed Muslin” or the murderer of six million jews but with a Joker face. However, tax day saw a fairly modest (attendance at these events is notoriously spiked by Fox News and right-wing media outlets) anti-tax themed event in Orlando, Florida. The event,organized by the right-wing Americans for Prosperity and emceed by conservative talk radio host Bud Hedinger, saw the usual “Obama is a Marxist this, Obama is a Maoist or whatever that” uninspiring, hate-filled speeches with campaigning buzzwords like “liberty” and “freedom” tossed in a mere billion times or so. “Let them hear it in the halls of power in Washington D.C. that we’re not giving up on this country, we know what this country was, and we want it back the way it was and better than ever,” said a fiery Hedinger. (Source: Washington Times) Apparently it became clear this event wasn’t so much a rallying cry to defeat the evil Obama socialist spending machine, but rather an attempt to reestablish the severely waning power of the Tea Party itself. After all, there are only so many times you can pay 50 bucks for Sarah Palin’s autograph before realizing that you’re being fleeced by someone even more ignorant of the world and its complicated problems than you. With the party gearing up for a major election, it seems that such frivolous and irate protestations on the economy and Baracknophobia isn’t as vogue as it was in 2010-2011. Either Americans are getting smarter or this season’s Dancing with the Stars really sucks. But according to a recent CNN poll, nearly half of Americans have a unfavorble view of the Tea Party. Florida Governor Rick Scott to the rescue! The keynote speaker at the tea-party event in Orlando was part reptilian and part Florida Republican Governor Rick Scott, a former for-profit healthcare businessman who proudly served the turpentine and Crystal Meth laced tea in 2010 and assumed the governorship of Florida in a coup. Governor Rick Scott, whose appearance and policies, often hypocritical (see Rick Scott and Stimulus), actually make Dick Cheney look like Ted Kennedy, has been the most voracious and vicious proponent of the radical tea party philosophy. If the tea party were a fiefdom, Rick Scott would be its Sultan. The rapacious reptilian reiterated the effect the million moron army marches had on the 2010 mid-term elections and warned them that the fight wasn’t over yet. “There’s still people up there that don’t realize that they work for us,” said Gov. Scott.(Source: Washington Times) Although Scott parroted the usual Republican talking points, like the impending vote on a possible repeal of Obamacare, he didn’t once mention the man who appears to be the Republican challenging him in November. Conspicuously absent in the Governor’s discursive tirade of fun-filled Fox facts and Obama smears, was any strong endorsement of presumptive Republican Nominee Mitt Romney. Even though Romney is as popular with conservatives as mixed-race, same-sex couples holding hands in public, Scott still claimed that 2012 will be there year. “If we do the right thing, then we are going to have a great 2013. If we do the right thing, we’re going to have the right people elected, we’re going to change the direction. We had a big change last time but it wasn’t enough,” said Gov. Scott.(Source: Washington Times) Between the Tea Party’s increasing lack of support among Americans and a Republican nominee who could barely defeat a guy who once likened gay marriage to having relations with a dog and whose last name is synonymous with frothy poop, the Tea Party is starting to look more impotent than an aging football player.